Hansel was talking about his Uncle Teddy’s Ford Econoline Winnebago, a vehicle of some vintage back in the early 1990s. Hansel now owns his own Winnebago, which is coconut white and twenty years old. He is outside jump-starting the battery now and hopes to put another 50,000 miles on the odometer(which already reads 147,000) as soon as the hole in the exhaust and the oil leak is fixed. If not, he can sleep in Teddy Coconut. Getting from A to B? It’s much  overrated.

We went to see Love, Loss and What I Wore by those clever Ephron girls, and laughed out loud along with the rest of the audience- fifty or so  women of fifty or so and a small smattering of no-matter men.

We dined sumptuously. The highlight was last night’s outing to the Applewood restaurant on Park Slope, Brooklyn, where Susie’s nephew is chef. We had Nantucket Bay Scallops with a crunchy quinoa and (I think) apple grounding. Sam also sent out some braised short ribs. I ordered pork with brussel sprouts and rutabaga puree. Susie had amberjack which turns out to be a particularly fecund fish “They breed very easily” said Conor the waiter “No need to worry about eating one” We had a bottle of Chinon, a plate of cheese (a sharp cheddar, a soft blue, and a creamy Humble Pie I urge you to try) and a very good time. I should have taken photos . Take a look at the menu online.

We went to the Columbus Avenue Greenflea where I bought a necklace made from watch parts crafted into the shape of a bug. I probably should have bought a piece of jewelry made from the colored lenses of traffic lights. Something to go back for next time.

We both bought earrings from Michal Golan where we stumbled into a sale.  40 per cent off. Who could resist?

Ms Blue Hair was talking to ABC’s World News Now (serving insomniacs for two decades) about her adopted pet which she believes to have artistic powers. She gives the squirrel a paintbrush loaded with autumnal color and proudly displays the results.. This would be remarkable if the squirrel was using its little rodenty paws or its brush-like tail but in fact it is simply chewing on the brush handle and the daubs on well -placed paper are the accidental outcome.

Watch Winkelhimer Smith paint here.

This story manages to beat the tale of the cruise ship captain who allegedly left his sinking ship only by accident: he claims he tripped and simply fell into a conveniently placed lifeboat. Not his fault he was carried safely to the all-too-nearby shore as the elderly, small children and honeymooners were left to drown .

It is 4 in the morning and I am fully awake. Really, you couldn’t dream it up.

It started with the 25,000lb challenge, an initiative to encourage and log America’s new year weight loss. Guest expert Joy had lots of good ideas for low calorie alternatives to fattie faves: mashed potato mixed with skim milk, whipped butter and cauliflower. I’ll buy a brassica. 3 squares of Lindt sweet and salty dark chocolate for just 140 calories. Must get some of that. Mix a low fat greek yogurt with a low fat hot chocolate mix to satisfy a chocolate craving. I’ll add the Swiss Miss to the shopping list with some of those Yogurt lollipops Joy was touting–70 calories each. “Eat two” she said.I think I will.

Next was an interview with the creator of When My Baby Dreams, a mother who, instead of catching up on her own sleep when her baby conks out, instead runs around arranging cot blankets, cotton wool balls and other infant paraphenalia into fetching scenes. I know for sure that I would hate this book but somehow I found myself contemplating a bulk purchase.

When My Baby Dreams

It got worse. Somebody Morrison, a singer from the UK was the musical guest. I had never heard of him but now I want his third CD. Shame I can’t remember his name or find him on the Today Show’s site–not for want of looking.

I did better at tracking down the fashion items featured in the polka dot spot (hah!) which is just as well because guest expert Bobbie was cut off before she had time to explain where a buyer could source the spotty palazzo pants worn by the most mature model. Found them–phew. I’ll be visiting Mango at the weekend, and perhaps I’ll also pick up the blouse from Banana Republic. Completely dotty.

I now understand why other insomniac friends own entire libraries of bluegrass music, multiple tap lights and enough aah bras to bolster an all girls boarding school. Disrupted sleep makes one very vulnerable to on-screen salesmen. I’d better turn off the telly before I buy a stairmaster. Good night.

It works like this: you buy a 3, 6 or 12 month subscription for yourself or a friend and the company selects a lovely little something to surprise you with each month. I received my first box just after Christmas: a signed photo from September Wren which I will frame and add to the collection in my office, and a necklace made from string by a New York artist who specializes in recycling found and everyday objects. Truthfully, the Brooklyn Rehab piece was not really to my taste ( I like my bling, well, more blingy) but Gretel pronounced it cute and immediately made off with it. Anyhow, whether or not the contents of the box appeal, it is fun to receive something to unwrap and it feels good to support a struggling artist or two and, who knows, maybe the box will one day contain an early work from the next Picasso or Jonathan Adler or Philip Treacy. You just never know.

Whether or not Umbabox will make it big I really couldn’t say. It seems a bit precarious to find and keep subscribers, and to make a profit after the gifts have been sourced, wrapped and mailed but there is something endearing and wholesome about the concept and I wish them well. I suppose if they get enough pick up the artists will donate their works for free–charmed Umbabox customers like me are bound to check out their websites and may make other purchases.

I can’t help noticing that September Wren has some lovely gifts for Valentine’s Day. Buy one, plus an Umbabox subscription, for the woman of your dreams. She’ll love you for it.

Valentine photo from September Wren. Shop her store on Etsy

My signature item for 2012 is my fab green scarf, a Christmas present from Tom and Mike.

Please note that I am wearing a belt–the first time in about 20 years–and that each dress has a zipper. I am now a stranger to the Plus size department. I will be repeating this last sentence like a mantra ( in between bites of fruit, mouthfuls of vegetables and long drinks of cold water) long into the new year.

Pictures thanks to Diana Orendorf

I inadvertently started the new year by going to the store in my pyjamas, a crime for which I regualarly rebuke the children. It happened like this: I thought Gretel was starting work at 1pm and so was rather startled when she came to me at 10:50am saying she needed a ride in time for an 11 o’clock start.  I stuck my shoes on and took her to the Itchy Ankle emporium where she is now a mainstay of the bakery department. When I got to the store I remembered we needed some dishwasher liquid and was in the shop searching the household goods aisle before I remembered I was wearing a t-shirt and my scotty dog pj bottoms. I also needed to visit the liquor store but decided that really would be too ghetto and would send the wrong message about my standards and aspirations for 2012.

Spud is now threatening legal action and sent the following stiffly worded note this morning: